Lee-Mon's Epic Website

Music... as in, me as a musician

I have a bit of history with music, starting from when I was 9 years old. My mom, for some reason, really wanted me and my siblings to become artists. My sister was taken to dance classes, and my brother and I were made to take up music. Looking back, I think the whole thing was set up for failure, because none of us really had any sort of special passion for it, or enough room to explore. Our interests faded quite quickly too, but mom kept insisting that we keep going to these classes until we got our diploma, otherwise we would be total failures.

My mom is gone now, as I've expressed in the Knitting page. She was definitely a terrible parent, but I don't really hold it against her. She also grew up with terrible role models who eventually shaped her into the bad parent she was, but it didn't come from any sort of inherent evil, unlike some other parents I've seen. I forgave her before she passed, and despite my current critical view, I still forgive her.

I started out in music school with a really fun introductory course that lasted a grand total of one semester. My assigned instrument was nothing other than the obligatory basic metallophone. I remember our teacher was skilled with a variety of instruments, and there were some students that played other instruments, such as guitar or piano. I picked up the basics of music theory here.

The following 4 years were MISERABLE. I cannot overstate it. So like, after the intro course, I'd have to pick an instrument that I wanted to study. I wanted piano, but because I didn't have a piano at home, I was rejected. I ended up taking up violin, which to this day I fucking hate the sound of. I pretty much was pressured into the choice, and for the duration of the program, all I wanted was to quit.

The classes were monotonous. My teacher wasn't bad and she was obviously trying to get me to learn, but it was nearly fruitless. At the same time I had to go to theory classes, the lectures were given by some lady that I really disliked, and I couldn't grasp the concepts for shit either. My music reading skills were also quite poor and to this day I have no idea how musicians can read sheet music, understand it, and play an instrument in front of an audience at the same time.

My memory of the era is quite fuzzy, but I remember having to take a pretty long trip downtown to get to the music school, after my regular school classes, while carrying a bulky instrument and my heavy bag from school, twice a week, all on my own (at 10-13 years old mind you). I'd get picked up on the way back most of the time. Still, I had to keep up with all this grueling effort for something I didn't even want to be doing in the first place.

By the way, Bittersweet Symphony is one of the worst songs I've ever had the displeasure to hear. You can probably guess why. But it's also just a terrible song, repetitive as shit and essentially glorified rap. AND IT'S EVERYWHERE, AND I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck that song, seriously.

Anyway... the moment I graduated from violin, I quit completely. I never picked up the instrument again.

I remember that at 13 I started learning guitar at my regular school, as part of an elective class. I made that decision myself, and the classes were fun. Guitar is an instrument that I'm way more fond of and it's so much more fun to play. It also doesn't sound like shit.

My brother picked up bass. I remember nothing more than this from his end. We ended up with a plain acoustic guitar, an electroacoustic guitar, an electric guitar, and an electric bass at home. All of them got decent play time for a few years. We never tried making something original, all of it was either school-mandated songs or songs we liked. We also never played together because it just didn't work out.

I started losing interest over time, and eventually realized that I wasn't even playing these instruments for my own satisfaction, it was all for everyone else's "pleasure" and my own detriment. My mom was also really insistent on me playing for her friends, which I totally hated. My last performance was at my graduation, where I played a song of my choice, I believe on my own volition. I quit that day.

"how to make nes music" was the search query that started it. This was during my last year as a guitarist. I always had a curiosity for older game consoles and their games, and wanted to know how music was made for them. I landed on some article that highlighted FamiTracker as the tool to use, and showed many examples of songs made with it. I knew instantly that this was what I wanted to try next.

I downloaded FamiTracker and made some objectively terrible songs. 6 months later I made an account on the forums and started interacting with people and posting and downloading songs. I learned a lot, and it was fun, and it boosted my english skill in a way nothing else could've achieved. I became good buddies with a select few people that I still talk to today, I posted a few songs to YouTube and gained some decent view counts. I like it when people comment on my stuff.

I lost interest 4 years after discovering FamiTracker, in part due to external factors. I came back to music in 2023 and learned Furnace, which I still think is a marvelous piece of software. But in the great 2026? Yeah, my interest is totally gone.

My drive for music has always been kinda low, and despite my attempts to push myself to learn something new, I just can't follow through. I totally lack the drive for learning about music or creating new songs, and I think I'm not a performer at all. I tried relearning guitar recently, but indeed, I'm simply unable to keep up with it for more than a few passing moments. It seems a lot better in my head than it is when I have the instrument in my hands. I wish I was good at all this stuff, and I wish I could bring myself to realize the ideas that go through my head.

I'm beginning to accept that I'm not cut out for being a musician. It's something I'm still processing but hopefully I'll eventually be able to find my release. Currently my idea for the future is to treat it in a more utilitarian manner. I'll create if I need to for any reason, and I'll stick with the stuff I know. Maybe I'll find motivation again, but I don't count on it.

I'm grateful towards the select few people who were fun to hang out with and that I had positive interactions with over the years. I hope you're all in a better spot now. As for the rest, most of you are deeply fucked in the head in some way. Your elitism is pitiful, your personalities are nonexistent, your intolerance for different opinions is disgusting and your censorship of any criticism towards the terrible people you worship is unforgivable. Fuck every single one of you and your stupid excuse for a "community". I hope it burns to the ground and its grave is desecrated.

Blaze Weednix (my music channel)