About me and this site

I'm Lee-Mon, also known as a plethora of other names that you'll only learn if you happen to interact with me in other spaces. I'm sorry but it's the truth.

I have a small variety of hobbies, centered around creating things. I enjoy making stuff. Among the things I can do are programming (JavaScript 4lyfe), knitting, making chiptune music, and I also like video games to some extent. Nuclear Throne is my main game and it's all I really play nowadays, I don't have the energy to get into new games at the moment. Hell, I barely play Throne at all, there's just not enough time and too many things to do.

As of writing this page (August 2024), I have a decent job that I wouldn't trade for anything else right now. The main disadvantage is that it takes up most of my energy and available time, but it has made me grow as a person massively.

I have two YouTube channels, one where I post the music I make (once in a blue moon), and one where I post gaming "content", primarily focused on Nuclear Throne. I used to stream, but I don't wanna do that anymore unless I have a good reason.

I happen to be a trans woman. If you like that or are neutral, cool. If you want to learn more, I think I can help. If you don't like it then keep it to yourself, I don't care about your garbage opinions. Even though it's a complex topic to talk about, I enjoy talking about it with fellow peers who wanna learn about it. Just don't ask invasive questions, that treads into harassment territory and you should know it.

Wait, what?

Yeah. I decided to start the process of gender transition because I couldn't keep living as a man anymore. The pressure started building up since I was about 14 years old, and eventually it reached a point where I was melting down and couldn't take it anymore. I've made reasonable progress in 1 year and I'm currently undergoing social transition. It's difficult, but possible, and it honestly feels better to be myself for once. The people surrounding me are all supportive, and it's been an opportunity for everyone to learn about the process.

I've faced a lot of difficulty along the way but not just related to the transition itself. It ranges from family issues, to learning how to function in society again. I also lost my mom this year, and I decided to cut contact with my father's side of the family, though that's no surprise since we were never very in touch to begin with. I have my two siblings and niece left, a house that's falling apart, a decent job, some friends, and a lot of debt, but it's getting better.

The process so far, very summarized

When I talked about my gender identity issues with my therapist, I expected the worst to come from it, but at that point it was something I did out of desperation. At first she didn't have all the knowledge necessary to assist me, but between sessions she learned about the topic, researched ways to help me, and came back to me with solutions. I started the process there, in mid-June 2023.

First thing I did was changing my pronouns online. No big deal. Month and a half later, I had picked my name and talked to a few people about it. I bought makeup, slightly changed the way I dress, and little by little I started freeing myself from the idea that I have to conform to the concept of being another guy. I eased into the social transition process by telling my closest peers first, then giving off slight signals in how I present, then straight up talking to HR about it (in February 2024).

On June 28th, I attended an in-house event at work related to the LGBTQ+ community. It was me and two other people speaking to staff from all areas of my workplace, about how we relate to the queer community. I presented the story of my transition process but framed it as it being one of my friends. Before passing the mic to the next person, I revealed that it was, in fact, my personal story. In other terms, I came out in front of a crowd. The situation was a bit intense for me so I couldn't really gauge the reactions, but as far as I could tell, it wasn't a huge deal. Lots of support and love from everyone.

The process picked up full pace monday last week (5th August 2024), when I decided to go to HR to request changing the name on my name tag. Since then, I go by my new name. Coincidentally, this was exactly 1 year after I wrote the paper explaining my backstory to my therapist.

Things become much easier when you don't have to hide anymore. Granted, I still hold back a bit, but now that I got here, I can't look back. I can only keep going forward now. In either case, no regrets, this is a much better way to live.

Past struggles, and what comes next

Some struggles I faced were my presentation at work, my terrible relations with my family, my mom's illness, and the constant fear that I might be a target now that I present differently. All these things got better besides my mom's health, as aforementioned (she passed away in March 2024). I don't want to get into specific detail, but having to face all these problems and more, overall made me stronger as a person, and I think they gave me the tools to function better in society, and the confidence to undergo my transition process. Sometimes I kinda regret it, but then I just remind myself that I didn't choose to be born like this. I'd rather try to fix this mess and have a 1% chance at being happy, than stay the same and get a 100% chance of misery.

So what's next? Now that some time has passed and my situation has become more stable (mentally, economically, socially), I'm trying to make progress towards hormone therapy and other things I need to do to complete my transition. Unfortunately, because I get my therapies from the public health system, it's been a slow grind, but I'm getting closer to the goal every day.

If I can recommend something to fellow trans people, and perhaps queer people in general, it's to be confident in yourself. This isn't easy, it takes a lot of effort and you'll likely need a lot of help from others to achieve it. Some of you don't even live in favorable environments for this sort of thing, but if possible, and if you want to make a positive change for yourself, you need to take some risks, stay strong, confident, and you need to fight anything that gets in your way. Some days you'll meet some idiot that tries to get under your skin, some other days you'll feel completely miserable as you watch how you're trapped in a body you feel you don't belong in. There'll be times you'll lament how slow it all is, how difficult it is, how life is cruel for letting you exist like this in the first place. But remember, there's solutions. Perhaps not perfect, but good enough.

Try to find out what resources are available to you, make sure you learn as much as possible about the topic, try to get support from people around you, and don't give up, this is the most important thing. Along the way you'll meet people who don't quite understand the process of gender transition, or maybe they'll ask an awkward but sincere question, or they'll accidentally call you by your old name or misgender you, but with no ill intent. Be patient, and remember that this is a learning process, for you and everyone else.

Lee-Mon's Amazing Website