Lee-Mon's Epic Website

My experience as a trans woman, 3 years into the ordeal, and my thoughts on the whole transgenderismizationness mumbo jumbo

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The experience of every trans person is quite unique, so I wanted to share some thoughts on what my own has been like. The scope of this article goes beyond just the effects of hormones, as I also talk about these alleged "gender roles" and how society wants to make us fit into these tight boxes that nobody really fits into.

The goal of me writing and publishing this is to provide a sincere insight into the experiences I've lived, as part of my male-to-female (MtF) gender transition process, with the hope of informing any person wishing to know more on the topic. This article hence contains details about the social, legal, bodily, and psychological aspects involved in this process, alongside various opinions. Bear in mind that, as is typical of my writing style and my everyday personality, I often intertwine irony and genuine sincerity, and I make liberal use of swear words. Please proceed with an open mind.

In August 2024, I wrote a different article which was part of my About page on this website. At the time, I hadn't started hormones yet, and was going through some other important life changes, which ultimately shaped who I've become today. Read on.

I began my gender transition around June 2023 during a conversation with a friend at work. I was asked by her in a previous instance if I ever felt like a man, to which I instinctively replied yes. Later on I was asked again and I budged, which prompted me to begin researching and consulting with my psychologist and psychiatrist for possible transgenderismness.^[1] I didn't really know what to expect at the time, but I became convinced that something was wrong inside after enough research.

To give you some context, I've always felt envious of women just for the fact of them being women. Like, yeah, sometimes they get treated better (people holding doors for you and shit, whatever) but overall it's a way tougher life to live, so that sounds like some fucking nonsense bullshit, doesn't it? After all, men are superior in every way! Still, I always wanted to be a woman, for possibly unexplainable reasons. I unknowingly suppressed these feelings for well over a decade before I realized what was going on. Growing up I started feeling weird towards masculinity, and only conformed due to societal pressure.

From around 14 years old up to the present day, I've always felt like I was missing out on womanhood; its absence felt sorrowful in a crushing kinda way. It's not just something about the body or the social aspects, but also the definitely distinct way that women's minds work. To put it succinctly, I craved for the full experience, even the bad stuff.

I've been asked the dreaded question of "do you really feel like a man?" several times over the years, sometimes with seemingly the best intent. It was likely a signal of some kind. I think part of it is that I didn't really do a good job of conforming to these fancy ass "male standards" that society expected from me. I'd like to believe that the only reason I didn't behave more feminine was due to social stigma, and me not truly believing that my gender identity deviated from what my body communicated. I was deluded^[2] into strictly having to be a man, paying no mind to what was going on inside, either due to ignorance or internalized transphobia.

And well, as you could expect, this resulted in quite severe depression that I didn't know what to attribute to. Sure, I didn't have the best life, but even when things improved, I couldn't find a way out (spoiler: I still haven't, but I'm medicated and feel better nowadays). I think the peak of depression was in the first half of 2023, where I started having intense suicidal thoughts, and as a result, I began having trouble functioning in society. You wouldn't expect this, given that life was looking up after landing a sweet job. Or would you?

I've always had a better time bonding with women, but I still felt excluded in a way. I don't think it's on purpose, as I feel like men don't quite fit in with women in the same way that fellow women do. To this day I don't know if it's due to inherent rejection, or the difference in body composition and lived experiences, or if it's just more patriarchal society crap. I'm inclined towards the latter, because indeed, men and women sometimes make the best friends ever. It doesn't take a social studies degree to observe this. Or maybe I was just weird, who knows.

In case you couldn't tell from earlier, I think men being superior is patriarchal bullshit. The people who keep spreading this nonsense are abusers in, probably, more than a few ways. Everyone is important, and segregating people by what their bodies look like is a surefire way to keep perpetuating the abuse that everyone under our shitty patriarchal society is constantly suffering. That is, unless you're part of the so-called "elite", in which case fuck you, and I hope you die in a fire.

Both men and women fulfill crucial roles in society, and except in specific cases such as requiring exceptional strength, or giving birth, it doesn't matter two shits of a fuck which sex you were born as. Neither men nor women are inherently superior to one another. We're all made of the same stuff, and we're all capable of being loving and caring towards our respective communities, or being absolutely rancid demons who are better off with a bullet lodged in the brain.

Please never forget that men and women alike, are victims of the patriarchy. That is unless, again, you exploit your position or you're part of the elite. You probably know already what I think of you in this case, but just in case you don't, I hope you get the Gaddafi treatment. With a rusty nail bat. Coated with barbed wire. Dipped in the hottest sauce. And the bat's wood is rotting. Punk ass motherfucker.

I don't know. Assuming you're cis, do you ever get asked what it feels like to be a cis person? I can't give you a super satisfying answer because, truthfully, I just am, and I'm sure you just are as well. Being trans, in itself, isn't some sort of identity or ideology^[3] like some dimwit bigots try to paint it, just like being cis isn't some identity nor ideology either. Me, you, everyone else, we just are. The only difference between cis and trans is that a cis person never questions their gender identity or feels there's any mismatch between their body and mind. A trans person has an inherent mismatch for reasons we still don't fully comprehend.

What I can tell you though, is that being trans sucks fucking dick. I wish I could've just been born a woman. I do think it's really cool having the means to medically and socially transition though, which is infinitely better than not having these options available.

I don't think so. I view "gender" as more of a spectrum, but even then, it's hard for me to conceptualize it in a way that differs from what we commonly understand as male or female. There's definitely a biological component, but everything else is up to society. I grew up in a patriarchal society, so my own idea of gender is based on the fuzzy concepts of male and female. I speak of "men and women" instead of "people" in this article, simply as a literary device to help you understand some concepts better.

I believe in the existence of non-binary people, whether that means not fitting into the ideals of male or female genders, or having strong traits of both. It could even be something entirely out of my comprehension. What someone identifies as is ultimately none of my goddamn business, and it shouldn't be yours either. I just think that language does everyone, but particularly non-binary and intersex^[4] people a disservice, though I do think neopronouns are weird, mostly because of the awkwardness of incorporating them into such an integral part of the language as pronouns are. For as long as we need to segregate people into male and female groups, I believe we need a way to refer to men, women, and non-binary people. English does it relatively decently ("they" as a gender-neutral pronoun), but Spanish is rigidly binary, and that's a tragedy. Attempts are being made towards incorporating a gender-neutral configuration of words, but it sounds awkward and is often a subject of ridicule.

I am still largely ignorant about the history of this concept, so I recommend you read the Wikipedia article for Gender, as it'll explain things in far more detail than I could. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender

I wish we could do away with the concept of gender entirely and just let people be themselves. To me it's almost entirely irrelevant whether someone has male or female sex characteristics. I shouldn't have to ask people what their pronouns are, and I don't mean this in a transphobic way. The way that someone experiences their inner identity is something that we should simply infer by regularly interacting with them, and learning what they're like. Y'know, basic social shit. For one-off interactions, we can do away with gendered pronouns entirely and use a single one for every person on earth. I don't believe I'll see this in my lifetime, but I hope future generations can make meaningful change towards eroding the patriarchal idea of gender and just letting people exist.

If you're a youngster and you're reading this, please don't buy into the bullshit that the elites want you to believe. Their only intention is to control you and stay in power. You and your peers are capable of changing the world, even if it's one bit at a time.

I want to mention my opinion on it, because it's relevant to the previous section. I don't like it. It sounds awkward in plain speech, and the push to add more letters to it is a symptom of an inherent flaw in its conception.

So, each letter in LGBTQIA+, in order, means the following: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Queer, Intersex, Asexual, and the + is for "everything else".

This is akin to shopping for glassware and having to choose between a cup for coffee, a cup for tea, a glass for juice, a glass for tap water, a glass for fizzy water, a bowl for soup, a bowl for chips, and a bowl for smoking and getting high with. But wait, what kinda chips are we talking about?^[5] You mean potato chips? Computer chips? Wood chippings? Fish chips? We could go on. What if I like to drink water from a bowl? Will I not be sold a generic bowl for drinking water from? Wait, there's one? Why does it look like a sieve?

If we suddenly need to add a new definition for a more specific type of glassware, we either need to tack a new letter on top of all the previous ones, or hide it under the plus. Out of sight, out of mind. It quickly becomes unnatural and a hassle to enunciate. We can just refer to all of these as "containers" and massively simplify the whole ordeal. It's not like a mug can't be used for drinking soda, or wine, or soup, or just plain water. You could even use it to mix concrete if you're resourceful enough.

One of the largest problems with the acronym(s) is the conflation of sexual orientation, gender identity, and romantic attraction, all in the same bag. There is also needless specificity for sexual orientations, which contrasts terribly with the single T for all transgender people.^[6] We're all in the same fight, every single one of us dissents from society's ideals for what men and women should behave like. This egregious specificity only works against us.

And no, I don't enjoy the term "dissident". It makes us sound like terrorists, which is a whole another can of beans.

Until we can come up with a term that manages to encompass all of us, while not sounding disparaging, we'll have to contend with the clunky, ugly, awkward, stigmatized LGBTQIA+ acronym. I think "queer" comes the closest, though it does have a history of being used in a derogatory manner, but over time it was co‑opted by the — *sigh* — LGBTQIA+ community, transforming its meaning into something much more positive. I like it a lot, it's short and sweet, easy to write, and easy to pronounce. It has a very focused meaning too, so I think it's the perfect candidate. Can we make this a thing? We are the queer community.

I'd love to say that it's really simple, but it's far from it. Basically, under the patriarchy, every single individual is expected to fall in line with certain expectations, certain customs, a certain way to live, set forth by the ruling class. It could be by means of the law, through religious indoctrination,^[7] through culture, education, or even by force. The threat of becoming ostracized for deviating from the norm is all-encompassing and ever present.

Do you see the problem with this proposition?

What this means, is that if you were born male, you're supposed to assume the role of the provider. You're supposed to dress in utilitarian, loose-fitting clothing, wear your hair short, have plenty of facial hair, and behave in "masculine" ways. You're supposed to have a taste for women, get married as soon as possible, and have many kids. You're supposed to keep the wife under your control at all times. You're not supposed to display any "feminine" emotions, and you'd better not shed a tear for any reason, lest you be deemed unworthy of your god-given male status.

If you were unlucky enough to be born female, your entire life is supposed to be devoted to serving your man, your husband, your rightful owner, for your status as a woman deems you inherently inferior to all men. You're supposed to live forever in the role of the caretaker, and be a subordinate to the man. You must only wear feminine clothing, and you must keep a healthy silhouette. You must look presentable at all times. You're supposed to be weak, fragile, sensitive. You must never deviate from your femininity, nor question the man, lest you be subject to disproportionate punishment.

All of this is a load of bullshit fucking crap. Egalitarian societies have existed throughout human history, where man and woman are alike, and enjoy similar rights. The patriarchy isn't a fancy new concept either; it has existed for just as long.

Humans are far from homogeneous creatures. No two people are alike, and the deeper truth that this implies, is that even groups of men and groups of women can have massive differences between individuals, of any type imaginable. It could be physical features, cognitive capabilities, preferences, sexual orientation, gender identity, skills. The list goes on.

Attempting to fit any individual in a mold is a self-defeating proposition. Due to the inherent differences between individuals, all it takes is for one person to possess qualities deviating from the patriarchal ideal, for the whole contraption to come crashing down, perhaps not immediately but eventually. This system is flawed in that it's impossible to create a homogeneous society where everyone fits snugly into the mold that the ruling class has made for them, even if dissidents are met with harsh punishment. Human beings are far too diverse for this to be anywhere near possible.

How often do you see men getting ridiculed for something as simple as having a "feminine" hobby, or for liking a song from a specific artist? Or even worse, for feeling attracted to other men? It should be nobody else's business; alas, the patriarchal system has indoctrinated everyone into believing that such a man is unworthy of his masculinity, and must be shunned and ostracized.

How often are women criticized for not looking their best? It could be as silly as not wearing makeup that day, or it could be something harder to control, such as being slightly out of shape. How often are women's ideas ignored, simply because they came from a woman? How often are they dismissed as crazy, whenever they appear passionate about any given matter? How often do they get deemed unwomanly for taking up physically intensive tasks?

This is not even an exhaustive list of ways that both men and women are affected by patriarchal ideals.

In the effort to conform to the societal role corresponding to their assigned sex at birth, people end up losing their individuality, their freedom of expression and thought, and their lives become potentially wasted, in the name of alleged homogeneity.

Nowadays, there appears to be more wiggle room with these aspects across the globe. It is becoming much more socially acceptable to be attracted to the same gender, or to nobody at all. It is becoming more common to encounter trans people in plain view, functioning as any other member of society. Many jobs and hobbies have become accepting of individuals of any kind, though there's still some that lean heavily towards either gender, and queer people still have more trouble in general with finding decent work. Same-sex marriages have become possible under many jurisdictions. There is a wealth of information available for anybody who is interested in learning about diversity in all of its forms.

But, in spite of all this, the war for our human rights is still raging, and sadly, it'll never stop. The point of there being a ruling class is, well, to rule over everyone else, and they have no interest in letting any of us enjoy any of these so-called human rights. They find the idea absolutely revolting. The only way to ensure that the rights we have gained remain prevalent, is to keep fighting for what is right. It would be a tragedy, and perhaps a disservice, if the victories that our predecessors fought tooth and nail to achieve, were nullified because we became too complacent to go out there and oppose any reversals in our social rights.

Sure, dickhead. From June 2023 up to the point of writing this here fancy article, I've gone through many things in my journey of switching teams. The first thing I did was talking to my psychiatrist, mentioning that I was questioning my gender identity. What followed was a series of events. She referred me to a municipal program specializing in gender and sexual diversity counseling,^[8] from which I got specific orientation and also help from a psychologist who kicks serious ass, and who was tantamount to finding new confidence in myself and improving many aspects of my life. She also helped with diverse life events happening at the time, such as the illness and eventual death of my mom.

I picked my name sometime after I began counseling on the issue. It was really easy; I simply wanted something that sounded natural, wasn't had by anyone I knew, and was relatively uncommon. I pondered for a few days, and ended up naming myself after my favorite color, which is also the name of a pretty flower. It fit me like a glove. With this newfound esoteric knowledge, I began my social transition by speaking to certain people about the matter. This is not easy, but something that helps is having a good idea in your head about how to explain it, and how to react to different reactions. In my experience, most people are accepting. I don't recommend being antagonistic unless you're really sure about what you're doing.

At first, I insisted on starting hormones, but I wasn't given the pass due to my strong depression. Starting HRT^[9] can potentially cause important mood imbalances, and given the life events I was going through, it was deemed a terrible idea, so I waited until the end of 2024 to get my prescription. Generally speaking, you need to be pretty damn sure about wanting to start hormones, and ideally you need to have been in counseling for a while before a specialist will give you a prescription. There's not many roadblocks in my country, at least for now. Your mileage may vary.

I first need to warn you that I'll get into bodily stuff you might not wanna hear. Skip this section if that makes you feel icky.

I started HRT on 20th December 2024, with a pretty low dose which later got increased. The blood tests I got before starting hormones revealed that my testosterone levels were on the lower end for healthy men, which wasn't surprising, as I always suspected this was the case. My endocrinologist put me on 2mg estradiol and 50mg spironolactone to begin. My dose got doubled around 3 months later, and I've stayed there since then. The 100mg of spironolactone proved enough for blocking testosterone, and with 4mg of estradiol a day, I reached the target level I needed after a couple of months. Two different endocrinologists have mentioned to me that the target level of estradiol we were aiming for is around 100 to 200pg/mL. I imagine this could vary by individual. One important thing to note is that higher levels don't necessarily translate to faster, or greater changes.

I didn't notice any side effects from either of these medications. I've heard from multiple trans women that spironolactone makes you pee way more, but I didn't observe this effect on myself, which is a huge relief.

The first thing that changed after starting HRT was my skin tone, and at the same time, my nipples got super sensitive, so just applying slight pressure would make them hurt. I still remember clipping the edge of a desk at work and being in a world of pain for a few minutes. Regarding the skin, it got much softer, and significantly less greasy, which was noticeable around 1 month into treatment. At about 3 months, I felt the change throughout my whole body. The terrible acne I used to suffer from disappeared completely around this time, with only the occasional flare-ups. My hair (y'know, the one on my scalp) is no longer disgustingly greasy, and growth has thankfully been unaffected. I did not experience male pattern baldness prior to being on estrogen, so no effects were observed in this regard.

The smell of my body as a whole also changed. Different body odors tend to be more sour and pungent when you're running on testosterone, and softer when running on estrogen. I don't really have words to properly describe the difference.

One of my favorite changes is the complete absence of a libido after just a few months of treatment. The lack of testosterone kills the function of the male reproductive organs as a whole. I quickly noticed a hilarious decrease in the size of the shaft and the testicles when not aroused, extreme difficulty in reaching orgasm, and barely any emission upon doing so. I almost never get aroused, I only rarely get morning erections, and overall, I feel an indescribable relief in no longer having any sexual desire at all. It's not like I ever wanted to, as I don't feel any sexual attraction towards others, and I find the thought of having sex with someone else quite revolting.

Body hair growth slowed down over time, and most hair became slightly thinner. I complemented this with laser hair removal for my face, which helped me get rid of most of my facial hair. It took about a year for it to become significant though, and I need to have regular applications, at least every 4 months. Luckily, I barely had any hair on my cheeks, so those areas have stayed clean. The hair around my lips and under my nose has been the hardest to get rid of, and it's a source of constant dysphoria. I don't have a significant shadow anymore, and my face can stay clean for around 3 days after shaving, which I tend to do around once a week now.

Breast growth started with the aforementioned nipple sensitivity, with very slight changes in size throughout the first 3 months or so. After getting my dose increased, I began noticing more growth, and tiny buds became noticeable through thin clothing. Around a year into treatment, I had enough breast to be unable to hide them anymore. To this day, growth still seems to happen, and it comes in spurts. I won't see any difference for a while, and then I'll suddenly have more over the course of a few days.

My legs and ass became really thick compared to before starting HRT. I've been noticing the effect much more lately, but I can definitely tell you that my figure started to change around 6 months into treatment. Tights that used to be only somewhat fitting for my body now fit me perfectly. The shorts I bought at the end of 2023, which barely fit me at all, now look really good on me and are significantly more comfortable to wear. My figure nowadays resembles that of a typical woman, though it's not perfect since I'm still slightly overweight, but I hope to change that soon.

My face became thinner shortly after beginning treatment, but because I've experienced some weight gain in the past year, it looks a bit puffy. It's still significantly less masculine compared to before taking hormones. I think I'm lucky in this regard.

Lastly, as you could probably expect, my voice was unaffected.^[10] I will soon begin speech therapy^[11] with a specialist to try to alleviate that. For as long as I don't utter a single word, people read me as a woman. It is definitely awkward, so hopefully I'll achieve enough of an improvement in order to be consistently read female, and also so I can express myself in the ways I expect to be able to. I've always imagined myself with a high voice, so it's really annoying to actually have a deep voice.

The human brain appears to operate differently depending on which hormone profile it is running on. Having the wrong hormones^[12] in your body can trigger quite severe adverse effects which can lead to lifelong mental illness; this applies likewise to cis and trans people. For trans individuals, the body produces the wrong hormones from what the brain expects to be running on, which at least in my case, caused symptoms such as major depression, gender dysphoria, a feeling of being trapped, being unable to connect to people, an indescribable shame in who I was, persistent suicidal thoughts, and failure to properly function in society. This is not an exhaustive list and I am not exaggerating any of these effects.

I noticed a decrease in my aggressiveness a couple of months after starting HRT, and a running sensation of relief, which has kept increasing over time as I have progressed in my treatment. I'm now a bit less reckless, which is probably a double effect from both my depression becoming much better controlled,^[13] and my body no longer running on testosterone.

I am capable of thinking much more clearly now. Other trans people refer to this as a mental fog, which persists for as long as they run on the wrong hormones. The decrease has been gradual and over several months. I have become much more compassionate, but also far more ruthless. My problem solving skills seem to have improved, but I have nothing to show for it. Stay tuned.^[14]

My expression has naturally improved alongside my self-confidence. I am still limited by my voice, but I like to think that I'll be able to truly express myself once I achieve a properly feminine voice. I still have the same problem of being quite incendiary in my form of speech, which has costed me friendships. I suspect it has only gotten worse as my inhibitions have gone away.

With my newfound self-confidence, I can now properly function in society (for the most part), and I can truly bond with people, something I was unable to do before. I've made a few good friends, sometimes in unlikely places.

One effect I've had, that I've also heard other people experience, is improved color perception. I see everything more vibrantly and my eye for details is much more keen now. However, I've heard this could also be due to my depression symptoms alleviating.

My emotional range has also expanded. Everything used to feel dull. Now I can cry with a song. It's beautiful.

I used to have confusing feelings regarding who I'm attracted to. I'm not looking out for someone, but I'm still willing to partner up with people from any gender, provided we're compatible. I have a really strong preference towards women now though. Yay, trans and lesbian.

My anxiety calmed down, but it took until around the beginning of 2026 for it to truly stay under control. I'm still capable of downing a big bag of chips, or a 14 inch pizza in a sitting, but I no longer do it due to anxiety episodes. Now it's just because I'm really damn hungry. Yes, my appetite increased upon starting my hormone treatment, which is likely because my body is going through second puberty. If you've ever gone through at least one puberty, you probably know that it makes you really hungry, since the body needs additional energy for its new developments. I've yet to hear about somebody going through three puberties, but it might be possible if we discover the elusive exclusive mysterious superfluous esoteric otherworldly third sex. I feel good as a woman though, so I'm not particularly excited about it.

Lastly, one aspect I've never heard someone else mention, is that prior to choosing my name, it was unfathomable to me how other people wouldn't cringe or have their faces warped beyond recognition upon uttering their own name. I always felt intense shame doing so until I picked my name and started using it. I'm now really proud of it. More on that later.

Okay, so I had to suspend my treatment for one month due to having to get surgery for my broken knee.^[15] I stayed on spironolactone, but suspended the estrogen 2 weeks prior and 2 weeks after the surgery. The reason I had to do this is that estradiol greatly increases the risk of thrombosis, so to mitigate this risk, it's advisable to suspend estrogen before and after surgery.

I didn't feel much difference for the first two weeks, but after that, I noticed my hair got significantly greasier and itchier. My libido rose from the ashes. My sexual function appeared to make a nasty villainous comeback. My smell became slightly more rancid. My facial hair started to sprout back. I began feeling anxious once again. Cats and dogs living together. Mass hysteria.

These undesired effects went away around 1 month after resuming treatment, with the exception of the facial hair, for which I needed an additional laser session. My latest blood tests, 1 month after going on estrogen again, revealed that my levels are now about 20% lower than before. We'll see if it stabilizes in a few months, otherwise my endocrinologist will raise my dosage. My testosterone levels came out slightly higher but not by any significant margin.

I skipped some details earlier for the sake of brevity, and to discuss the HRT side of things. Worry not, because I will now shower you with the other stuff! Yeah, that stuff!

What is that stuff? Well, if it ain't the social and legal aspects of my gender transition! It's not as exciting as it sounds, but if you've read this far, I reckon you might be interested.

My social transition, as mentioned before, began on June 2023 when I first discussed the issue with a friend. I picked my name and started communicating about my transition to my closest peers first. I decided to grow out my hair once more (as I was forced to wear it short at work), and slowly but surely I worked up towards becoming the true version of myself.

Now, what happens when you break dress code at work? That's right, you get threatened by human resources! I began consulting on the legal side of things with the diversity program I was attending at the time, because I was expecting to get in trouble for going against the standards. Things escalated up until the point where I had to talk directly with the head of human resources about my transition. I expected to get fired on the spot, but they were receptive of it. I wasn't prepared to tell my boss yet, as the idea I had in my head was to make things public once I started HRT. In hindsight, this was not the right approach for a number of reasons, but I digress.^[16]

The ultimate opportunity to become public about the matter was during an event at work. Me and two other colleagues were invited to give a speech on our relationship with the queer community, for the occasion of pride month 2024. People of all roles were there, including my boss and several other managers. The moment it was my turn to speak (I was last), I framed my story as being that of a friend. I gauged the public's reaction, and before passing the mic to the next person, I decided to reveal that the story was about me. Hello everyone, I am Vi.^[17] Indeed, I came out in front of a crowd. Takes some fucking balls, don't you think?

With that important step out of the way, I publicly became Vi. I only used the shitname^[18] in contexts where I was forced to.

The legal name change came a year later, in August 2025. My country passed a law in 2019, allowing people to update their legal name and gender marker on both their government-issued ID, and their birth certificate, without any friction nor stains on their records. For adults, the only requirement is to book an appointment with the Civil Registry, and attend with two adult witnesses. Among my options were two fellow trans people, who came with me that day. My new ID and birth certificate were ready a month later. For all intents and purposes, I was now Vi, and anyone who disagrees can eat my ass.

Now, upon changing your name, it doesn't automatically update anywhere else, except for a select few government institutions. What follows after the deed, is contacting every single institution or company who has your information. Every. Single. One. One at a time. No shortcuts. In spite of the tedium though, the process is quite rewarding in that you will no longer have to see the shitname. Alas, to this day, I still find it in random places that I never even expected in the first place. I make calls and send emails really often about the issue, and some companies are completely horrendous at dealing with it. More than once I've gotten confirmations that the change was done, only to find out that the change was either incomplete, or not done at all. The most infuriating one has been my bank, with whom I've filed an unholy amount of requests and complaints about the matter. I'm planning to give them the middle finger and change banks, but there's some legal stuff I need to take care of first.

Wanna know the even funnier part? I swapped my family names^[19] this year, in March to be exact. This change is irreversible. As you can probably imagine, that means I had to repeat the whole process of updating my information with everyone. All over again. Yay, more annoying phone calls and email exchanges!

And you wanna know the absolute most hysterical part? I'm considering replacing my dad's family name with my mom's maternal family name. Essentially, bear both my mom's family names. Unfortunately, this is not easy, and from what I've gathered, it requires you to lawyer up, alongside using the full name for at least 5 years. If I manage to pull this off, I'll have the ultimate name, and it'll fucking rock your fucking socks off.

It is now the final week of June 2026. I have a halfway badass legal name. I am a woman in the eyes of the law. Most people read me as female. My body is finally starting to look like what I've expected my whole life. I will soon be reborn as a completely new person, as my true personality is finally hatching from the awfully cramped shell, where it had been held hostage for all of these years. I no longer talk to my dad, but I am surrounded by great friends. I am looking forward to my first midlife crisis as it looms over the horizon... Wait, what do you mean first?

I don't exactly have a roadmap of things, but I'm excited to begin speech therapy. Sadly, there are still no news about sex reassignment surgery, but luckily that part of me bears no importance in my societal interactions. I definitely want zero-depth,^[20] as I have no interest in sex at all, and it requires far less maintenance from my part.

I've been on the receiving end of transphobia a few times, but without major consequences. I occasionally have to fight some idiot who doesn't want to acknowledge who I am. I don't like doing it, but I've felt good about cutting two people off. I can tolerate honest mistakes, but intentional disrespect will be responded to in kind.

Unfortunately, my country elected a fascist piece of shit and his equally rotten cronies into the government, so for the next 4 years, things will surely get quite worse. Still, I am willing to resist. I saw the writing on the wall during election season, which pressed me to get my legal name and gender marker changed. I still don't feel like this change is ironclad, and I don't know how I'd fight an eventual reversal of it, but if something is for certain, is that I'm willing to die fighting.

I understand that some people who read this article will probably be in a position of questioning their own gender identity and wanting to do something about it. If you feel this way, I want to encourage you to try your best to find your answers. I cannot tell you whether you are trans; this is something only you can discover. Perhaps my story will give you some perspective on the process.

The resource I recommend to anyone wanting to learn more about trans people, is The Gender Dysphoria Bible. This cute handbook will go through all of the things you need to know, such as the concept of gender and sex, the many types of gender dysphoria, the effect of hormones in the human body, the reasons why someone might be trans, and even a bit of information on surgeries where they might be needed. This was my starting point, and it helped me realize exactly what was wrong about me.

Ultimately, you are the only one who can tell you whether you're truly trans. NOBODY ELSE, absolutely no one gets to decide upon this for you.

Get informed, look back on your lived experience, allow yourself room for exploration. Evaluate your feelings, gauge your social context, consider whether it's safe for you to take the plunge.

Some people never commit to transitioning, despite living with intense feelings of gender dysphoria, either due to medical, social, or other reasons. For some people, being public about their transness would be a suicidal prospect, due to societal restrictions placed upon them that they are not in a position to challenge. Others have medical conditions preventing them from being able to safely undergo hormone therapy. There's even people who transition, and then detransition for any given reasons, most often due to, you guessed it, societal pressure. I've even seen people who start hormones, but then need to discontinue them after experiencing powerful adverse effects.

Amazingly, there's even people who are firm in their transness, but choose not to pursue any social or medical transition because they don't deem it necessary. There is no single pathway towards being trans, and no right or wrong way to be such.

It is almost certain that some of your interpersonal relationships will change as a result of pursuing your gender transition. You need to be prepared to lose close ones you thought would be there for you. However, you will also be able to form much more genuine relationships with people you will meet. Be willing to give everyone a chance, and don't be afraid to cut off any bad elements.

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If you're sure that you're trans, but you're scared to do something about it, then I have one last question for you:

Would you rather try for the 1% chance of happiness, or stay with the 100% chance of misery?

Only you have the answer. I wish you the best in your journey, and I hope you reach the right conclusion for yourself.

My only regret is that I was never able to hear my mom calling me by my chosen name. She was in so much pain from her illness that there was no longer any headspace available for it. Unfortunately, she was also unable to be there for walking me through my initiation into womanhood. I still am grateful for her though, for talking to my siblings and her friends about the matter, for accepting me, and for, y'know, just being a mom, despite all her flaws. I wish she could see who I am today, she would absolutely be proud of how much I've achieved in such a short time.

The rights we enjoy today, not just as queer individuals, but as humans as a whole, have become possible thanks to the sacrifices of our predecessors, who gave their lives to fight for the causes they believed in. Even as recently as 20 years ago, it was almost unthinkable to be openly gay, or openly trans, or even just having opinions that could be deemed "unpopular" or "contrary to tradition". In a really short time, we have made huge progress, all built on top of the victories of all of those who came before us, who shed their own blood, sweat, and tears, defending what was right. Please use the opportunity to be your own true self.

We live in a state of constant struggle against the ruling class, therefore the rights we conquered in the past, are never guaranteed to stay with us forever. It is becoming plainly visible today how even basic human rights, such as the right to privacy, or even the right to clean water and air, are being violated in the name of so-called "safety" or "protecting the kids", while utilizing minorities such as the queer community, trans people specifically, as a scapegoat, labeling us as predators; an existential enemy. Hateful rhetoric is spreading like wildfire, like a new pandemic, but without a "common enemy", it cannot sustain itself for long. Do not buy into their bullshit. Remember, before us it was the black people, and before them, it was women.

We live in truly unprecedented times. It is true that, at least until a few years ago, the world seemed to be relatively peaceful compared to the older days, where war was a constant, a normally accepted fact of life. However, with the advent of social media, influencer culture, "Artificial Intelligence" (misleading marketing term for Large Language Models), mass surveillance systems, and the unquestionable rise of fascism across the entire globe, we, the regular people of the world, are facing the realistic threat of having every single one of our human rights taken away, and being turned into mere cattle for the ruling class to do their bidding with. WE MUST NOT LET IT HAPPEN.

If you believe in peace and the right for anyone to be themselves, please spread the word, and do what you can to push back against fascism. It could be through educating your peers, by contacting your politicians and fighting harmful laws, by going out there and protesting, or through any means you can imagine. Vote with your wallet; do not support any companies who are actively working to erode our human rights. In addition to that, do not give your ID, nor your biometric information to any companies. They want this data to identify dissenters, and obviously, to sell it.

Do not support any politicians who are either affiliated with right-wing parties, or who visibly believe in, and support right-wing ideologies. The right has no interest in the development of humanity, nor the development of your country; they're only in it to enrich themselves and stay in power.

Upon election season, research your candidates thoroughly, research their affiliations, and vote very wisely. Never forget that your vote matters more than you can imagine. Your own life, and everyone else's, is what's at stake. Please learn from the example of countries such as the US, Russia, or Argentina.

If you, however, believe that we must all fall in line or else face extermination, then perhaps keep doing what you do, but do not ask for sympathy when you inevitably become the next target.